9 things you probably can't do even though you’re a fully-grown adult
Taxes, mortgages, osteoporosis, death. Those are the things you’ve got to look forward as a young adult heading into old adult territory. That said, there are plenty of perks to adulthood: staying up late, being rude to children, eating cake for dinner. But we’re willing to bet there are a few things you still haven’t accomplished, despite those wrinkles developing on your forehead…
Picking a ripe avocado
We’re sure you know the drill: it’s ripe if the little stalk bit at the top comes off easily. But when you’re in Tesco, you just finished work, and you want to be home and in pajamas in no more than 10 minutes, there’s just no remembering that. Which is when you end up stood in your kitchen, petulantly jabbing at a rock-hard green slab, determined that it’ll turn into guacamole through pure strength of will.
Remembering any phone number other than your own
Yeah, yeah – these days you don’t really need to know numbers by the heart the same way you did when you were 7 and ringing Hannah down the road to come for a play. But shouldn’t your adult-sized brain be able to accommodate just a few numbers, the ones you use most? No. You can’t even do birthdays without Facebook reminding you. Can you.
Shaving your legs successfully
It’d be understandable if it was just the knees (notoriously tricky knobbly bits that they are), but there’s always that strip up the side of your calf, thick as your thumb, bristly with black stubble. Like a racing stripe, except there’s no point trying to pass it off as anything other than incompetence on your part.
Keeping your white shoes white
You manage three days, max, gazing groundwards proudly at their bold bleached glory, before it rains, or you step in a gutter, or some devil on the tube steps backwards and stamps a black geometric print on the top. And just like that, they’re ruined, because you’re still a bit scared of bleach.
Checking that there’s toilet roll on the holder before you sit
Most of the time you’re able to make sure there’s the necessary paper, but it’s always when you’re in the biggest hurry – perhaps a little hungover – when you only look for the bog roll when you’re done. The absence of which leads to a tricky internal conversation. Cry? Air-dry? Use a sock?
Rolling the toothpaste up from bottom
You know you should but that’s 2 seconds of extra effort you’re simply not prepared to expend.
Taking off your makeup before you go to bed
This isn’t to say that you often forget. Most nights, it’s cleanse, tone, moisturise, like all the magazines tell you to do. But if you’re a bit knackered, or two wines in, the whole charade seems like more of a full hour work-out routine than anything else, and many a pillow case has been sacrificed.
Planning your groceries
Given some time to plan, you know you could do breakfast, lunch and dinner 5 days a week on £30. As it is, you spend £30 in Pret alone – and that’s before two pub meals, a cheeky late night Nandos and that Deliveroo order you don’t even remember making.
Getting your laundry in before it rains
HOW DOES ANYONE KNOW? DO THEY HAVE MYSTICAL WEATHER-READING POWERS?
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